this year is different

 This year is different (thank the Lord!!). Let me explain. Some might say that my lowest point was Christmas time last year. Let’s be so for real. 2024 as a whole was my rock bottom. But for the sake of this story and revelation I have had recently lets say that the holidays were the worst. 

    Last year I constantly had the hope that the holidays would be the thing that brought me joy. If I could just make it to the “most wonderful time of the year” that I would be happy. But as the time came closer and closer I felt let down. I felt empty. This season that in the past has been full of excitement and anticipation was now cold and dark. I found myself having to fake being happy for those around me (and myself) but isolated due to the exhaustion. I was like a strand of Christmas lights that no longer worked. All used up and nothing left to give. 

    At the time, I knew some of the things that were being taken away by my eating disorder, anxiety and depression but I had no idea the extent to which it had robbed me until this cycle of holidays. News flash everything is a lot more enjoyable when you aren’t starving yourself. Because you are never just starving yourself physically but also relationally and emotionally. 

    After all the work that the Lord has done in me this year I have been able to see how much more enjoyable this season can be. Even as I write this on December 1st, I have already experienced the joy and excitement that comes with having enough energy to get down the Christmas decorations and fulfill all my favorite traditions. How it can be a treat and not a chore. 

    So this year I am feasting. Feasting on His coming. His light and salvation. His hope, peace, joy, and love that fills this season. And who knows I may have a piece of pie to go with it!