more time

 It has been a week since I started treatment. And I can say one thing for sure. The Lord is so GOOD!! He has faithfully carried me through all of the long days. He has given me the courage to participate in the group therapy sessions. And He has provided sweet people alongside me working toward their recoveries as well. He has given me a sense of peace and fellowship with these precious people. 

    So that was my perspective after week one. But I want to be clear that it was not like that at first. Throughout the first day I was like “umm this is strange.” I was very confused about how this was going to be at all helpful. I sent an email to my outpatient therapist during my break in the middle of the first day saying exactly how I felt. From the very beginning stages (even before committing to treatment) I was convinced that treatment was not going to be the right thing for me. There was no way that being around people that have similar and different ED behaviors would be good or promote healing. If anything I thought it would make it worse. She responded to my email with one sentence: “give it time”. And that is what I did (lets pretend that I did this out of will power and not because I had already committed to the 2-weeks hehe. And I may or may not have asked my mom if there was any repercussions of quitting before the 2-weeks). 

    Now back to the end of week 1. I could start to see the value of being with likeminded people. All trying to better themselves and pursue a life of freedom. Naturally I had to update my therapist. I sent her another email with the subject line: “Okay I was wrong…” I went on to say, and I quote:

                          “I can admit when I am wrong. And I was. This is actually pretty helpful and the group                                 therapy is fine. Don’t make me regret telling you though haha. 

                Your favorite, Bekah Price.”

     She emailed me back of course commenting on my use of the word “fine” and ended it with, “We’ll just add this to the list of evidence that proves that God goes before us and prepares the way, exactly how he wants it.” (whew she is a wise woman!!). 

    Okay so now that that is said lets move into a status update. Quickly after the first few days I realized that this was going to be beneficial. But it is going to take longer than 2 weeks. Let me further clarify that after I completed the "orientation" I was pretty much sure that I could white knuckle my way through these two weeks and be done. I even scheduled an appointment with my outpatient dietician for the following week after my initial end date. Even with the happy surprise of finding benefits of the hours put in with the group and individual sessions it was hard to commit to more weeks where I am tied up for 6 hrs every day. It was a reality check on just how much of a pause it would put on my life. 

    After some prayer and gathering opinions of trusted people in my life I think that it is worth giving up the extra weeks in order to live a life of freedom for many many more weeks, months, and years. So that is the plan. I don’t know what the future looks like heck I don’t even know what tomorrow will look like. But like my therapist said, I am trusting that “God goes before us and prepares the way.”