July 11th

 UGH!! I hate that it has been so long since I last posted. It may not have felt long for you on the other side of this screen (my fans if you will haha…that is a joke if that wasn’t clear!) but it has for me at least. My reason is explained below but I wanted to address the elephant in the room (or on the screen) which was my absence. There is a little bit of catching up to be done so here is where we will start. My prayer is if anyone is reading this that you find hope laced within my words!!  

                                                                                                                        love, Bek! 

 Today is the day. July 11th 2025. I am starting treatment. The Lord has worked in miraculous ways to get me to this point. Really since the beginning of this summer we have been working on finding a program and making it happen. As I mentioned in my initial post about treatment, I did multiple assessments and talked through the financial aspect of each program. But it all felt very slow paced. It was like taking one step forward, waiting for them to get back to us, and then taking 2 steps back and waiting again. The biggest of the hurdles was working with our insurance (which still doesn’t make sense to me). Going into one of these treatment programs is not cheap as you can imagine. So when the lady working with this one program advised my mom to try and apply for a “scholarship” she did with the least bit of hope or expectation that I would qualify for anything of the sort. But on Monday (July 7th) we received a call that I did qualify for the scholarship. Meaning we don’t have to pay a penny. What a gift from the Lord. From there we were off to the races! I had “orientation” Tuesday morning and had my last appointments (for now) with my therapist and dietitian.

    This program is a 2 week intensive virtual PHP program. So if you need me I will be on zoom from the hours of 9:30-4:30 everyday. I have gone in waves of relief and gratefulness for the provisions of the Lord to feeling the pit of anxiety building in my stomach. The past couple of nights have been filled with anxious thoughts and “what if” scenarios. But last night I felt a sense of peace and got a full night's sleep (praise the Lord!). This morning I was met with the same calmness. I started my day as normal with my quiet time in His word. I could feel his presence with me and I knew that with Him I could make it through the long day. As the time quickly approaches to start the anticipation builds along with the nerves. I don’t think nerves are a bad thing or a sign of distrust in God’s provision but instead a reminder to lean on Him. I don’t know where I will be within my recovery journey at the end of these two weeks.     

    I am hopeful that it will be a kick start to living fully and in freedom. The plan is to reassess where I am at the end and decide if I need to continue with a higher level of care or if I would benefit from just continuing with outpatient treatment. My goal of course is to be able to go back to my amazing outpatient team but I am going to take it day by day and let God lead me into the right direction. 

“Yet I will certainly bring health and healing to it and will indeed heal them. I will let them experience the abundance of true peace.” 

Jeremiah 33:6