a tale of two roommates

 I have always felt like some stories are meant to be told during the midst of the hard times and some should be told once you are removed from the situation and feelings. This whole roommate situation is definitely one that I had to be removed from. I think back to this time and can now laugh at all the unfortunate things that took place and marvel at how the Lord was showing up for me and growing my trust in him at that time. 

After continually praying and hoping for a “miracle roommate” to show up and save me from the dreaded roommate potluck my prayer was answered…or so I thought. Miraculously a girl, we’ll call her “Benedict Arnold” (you can see where this is going) reached out to me and we decided to be roommates. She was from a small town in Mississippi, very cute, and sweet. We connected in many ways, one of which was having the same major. It felt as if all was right in the world. Until one dreadful day, mere weeks before move in, I receive a DM from a random girl, we’ll call her Darla (yes, Darla from Nemo. Look it up for full context). In the DM Darla wrote, “hey I see we are roommates. Just wanted to reach out and introduce myself.” WHATTTT???!!! (imagine animated Lizzie from the Lizzie Mcguire movie here). In sheer panic I showed my mom and messaged Darla back basically saying , “oh silly you have made a mistake. I already have a roommate.” And after some back and forth I still didn’t want to believe it. It had to be a mistake. I had literally been talking to my roommate and everything seemed to be good to go. So still staying calm (sorta) I messaged Benedict and said “hey so something is going on with our room I just got a DM from this girl saying she is in our room and your name is not on it anymore. Has there been a mixup?” (poor little Bekah had no idea what was coming).  And the worst thing happened… She was typing for a very long time. And that's when I knew. 

What followed this? Tears. Lots and lots of tears. And let me clarify I am not a cryer (remember I don’t “do” emotions). In my mind there was just no way I could go to Ole Miss anymore. All of my fears were coming true and shattering all the work that I put into therapy. It was all gone in an instant. I had no idea who this new girl was. Sitting on the couch bawling my eyes out with my mom and older sister I continually said “no I can’t go. I don’t want to go anymore.” I don’t fully remember what they said to try and talk me off the ledge but I do remember one thing my sister told me and it cracks me up everytime. She said “Bekah you have to go. You are meant to go. You are going to meet your husband there.” (yeah, still waiting for that one to happen Anna). In hindsight we were both naive to the fact that it's slim pickings on “suitable” guys at Ole Miss (no offence). Okay back to the story. The days and weeks that followed were filled with distractions and sleepless nights. My go to coping mechanism during times of stress is distractions. Never being alone with my own thoughts. I didn’t want to talk about any of it. Every time someone would ask me about school (which happens a lot when you are about to go to college) my heart would race and I would get this sinking feeling in my stomach. I was terrified all the way up to move in day. I was waiting for a miracle when God already had a different one in mind. 

I would like to say that everything turned out great and me and Darla were best friends but that's not how it happened. We could not have been more opposite. Darla stayed up late and slept in. While I went to bed early and arose before the sun. I was a very organized and tidy person (later diagnosed with OCD) and she was not (to put it lightly). I was a pre-dental hygiene student and had high expectations of personal hygiene while Darla didn’t brush her teeth and went to bed drinking Dr Pepper or orange juice (my mind was exploding.) The list can go on forever but I'll just give you a few more. There were some things I could look past (maybe) like the construction ladder she used to get onto her bed or the pillow of her boyfriend's face on it. But the biggest one for me was the mess and clutter, especially considering I had to walk through her “side” to get to the door. (I will truly never understand people who say that “being organized gives them anxiety”). When I couldn’t handle it anymore I confronted her about the mess and we came to an agreement. She would keep her side of the room clean if I didn’t use the microwave in the mornings before she woke up (mind you she didn’t wake up until 10:30 at the earliest). I should have known that her definition of clean was different then mine but I didn’t. I fully know that I was probably just as frustrating to her as she was to me (I mean it's possible I guess). You know what though, I made it through. I survived the dorm life with a random person. 

Now looking back I can see that the prayer that I was praying at the beginning of the roommate hunt was what I thought I wanted and needed. But God has a funny way of knocking us down a few pegs and showing us that His way is better. My motto has always been “you’ve gotta break em down to build em up” (maybe not the best motto for everything in life but…).  It may not have been what I wanted but if Benedict would have decided to attend Ole Miss I don’t think I would have been as willing to put myself out there and make true friends. I probably would have hid out in my room more often and missed out on many opportunities. And now Bendicit has a baby and I wish her well.